Bloody Mary

As most of you know, I have started writing my latest novel "Bloody Mary.' The prologue made Thando cry. Here is a part in chapter 1. Give me bad or good criticism. Thx!

P.S. This is the scene when the main character Kaitlyn tells her friends about her first experience.

Okay. I was 8 and all my friends were sleeping over. We decided to do a little dare night with two teams. My team was wining until the legend of Bloody Mary was told. We were dared to go to the mirror with a lit candle and chant 'Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary' while looking at our reflection in the big mirror.My best friend was gutless and rushed in their. The rest of my group including me followed. We chanted and our fate became brutal. (Don't forget we were only 8.) Then I saw a dark black shadow walk across us as soon as we chanted the curse. Then I shivered as the candle blew out as if their were some mysterious wind in the bathroom. I heard a long scratch against the wall and thought to myself, probably just imagining it. Then the candle just lit again by itself. All our reflections showed fear. I reached for the light only too feel someone hold me. I screamed as I pushed the mysterious hand off me and reached for the switch. No one was there. Then all of a sudden the curtain moved. I looked back and opened the curtain with curriousty and fear. But I wasn't too keen to see what was behind the curtain. But I pulled it open. Then all of a sudden, a girl screams boo! And I jump 1000 feet in the air. It was Jamie's girlfriend tiring to scare us. And she did. We felt like fear was taking over our bodies as we stood perfectly still. We were practically petrified. But of course I tried it again 4 years later. And that left a completely different fate! But that's a different story!

Thando Bhebe read this and screamed Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss!

Thx For your time!

Dylan

Inkpop!

Here are my other projects on Inkpop. http://www.inkpop.com/projects/94067/mocking-bird/ and http://www.inkpop.com/projects/94065/my-heart-is-empty-without-you-next-to-me-/. I am planning on putting the second book of the series 'The Three Brothers' which is called the shocking discovery. The Three Brothers was a huge hit, with me recieving 17 comments, 6 picks and 4 watches. I have waited to put on the second because i wanted to see how people of inkpop thought. Unfortantly, my second book has been erased so i will have to write it again which is okay because it was the shortest. It was only 4 pages so i will get that done. A month after that i will put the next one on.

Ok! Oh and Ms Burtzynski! Would you mind starting an inkpop and putting comments on all of my projects. The more comments/picks that are on the project that means more people will check it out.

Thx for your time.

Dylan

Inkpop!

Inkpop

Hey! I have recently updated The Three brothers on inkpop. To veiw click on the site on the right. http://www.inkpop.com/projects/83081/the-three-brothers/ This should take you straight to my story. This is the first of the 7 books because i havn't put the others on yet. Leave feedback under comments!

Attention: Miss Burtzynski

Miss Burtzynski, i just aplied for a job and listed you as a referee. I was wandering if it was okay. If no i will put someone else. I just put the west campus school number for contact for you.

2010

Another year of my life has passed and a new decade is about to begin This year was exceptionly one that i wont forget. Losing loved ones and gaining them. I lost so much but gained heaps. This was the year my baby brother Lucas was born. That day was a rush. It didn't seem real at all. It felt like a dream. But after weeks went by it finally soaked in. I also finally went on a thrilling aeroplane for the first time. I was freaked out. But it wasn't that bad. This year was also the year i picked up so many buisness skills thanks to our pathways assighment organised by Ms Burtzynski and Miss Kuprys. There were so many other adventures i would like to talk about but that means writing all night. So this is just an outline. There is one thing for sure. 2010 is a year that i will defintly tell my kids about. Bring on the next decade.



Dylan Cohen

Christmas..

This year's christmas was really good. Not only it being Lucas's first christmas it was also my Puppie Peyton, My cousin Amber and many more. It was very exciting. I got hundreds of dollars and not alot of presents. But that was the way i liked it. I liked the idea of going shopping and buying truly what you want.