As most of you know, I have started writing my latest novel "Bloody Mary.' The prologue made Thando cry. Here is a part in chapter 1. Give me bad or good criticism. Thx!
P.S. This is the scene when the main character Kaitlyn tells her friends about her first experience.
Okay. I was 8 and all my friends were sleeping over. We decided to do a little dare night with two teams. My team was wining until the legend of Bloody Mary was told. We were dared to go to the mirror with a lit candle and chant 'Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary' while looking at our reflection in the big mirror.My best friend was gutless and rushed in their. The rest of my group including me followed. We chanted and our fate became brutal. (Don't forget we were only 8.) Then I saw a dark black shadow walk across us as soon as we chanted the curse. Then I shivered as the candle blew out as if their were some mysterious wind in the bathroom. I heard a long scratch against the wall and thought to myself, probably just imagining it. Then the candle just lit again by itself. All our reflections showed fear. I reached for the light only too feel someone hold me. I screamed as I pushed the mysterious hand off me and reached for the switch. No one was there. Then all of a sudden the curtain moved. I looked back and opened the curtain with curriousty and fear. But I wasn't too keen to see what was behind the curtain. But I pulled it open. Then all of a sudden, a girl screams boo! And I jump 1000 feet in the air. It was Jamie's girlfriend tiring to scare us. And she did. We felt like fear was taking over our bodies as we stood perfectly still. We were practically petrified. But of course I tried it again 4 years later. And that left a completely different fate! But that's a different story!
Thando Bhebe read this and screamed Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss!
Thx For your time!
Dylan
